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Show m the program. My f a t h e r ' s sons would sing his favorite hymn, while his daughters would sing the words he had written to 'The Rosary.' We broke up to p r a c t i c e. Upstairs, we divided into sections. As usual I couldn't decide whether to sing a l t o or soprano - the old confusion born of having i d e n t i f i e d simultanously with my mother and Aunt Helga. T h e n x r e a l i z e d that I d i d n ' t know some of the people holding music and that I knewjfJthers' as Brother S c ° t t .a daughter. I smiled u n c e r t a i n l y at the sweet-faced woman beside me, but the old resentment at forced-sharing was sour in my mouth. Suddenly I f e l t very small and insignificant, and the love and g r i e f I f e l t for my father seemed almost comical. Why had I struggled so hard to maintain identity with the family? Why had i t meant so much to secure my bonds with ^i rkft/er* '£- when already my place had been outstripped by the magnanimous designs of others 7. Of course Aunt G e r d a'%on wouo'd disparage the concept of 'noble bloodlines' since he had an unshakeable 'legal' i d e n t i f i c a t i o n with our father. By diminuating our blood-tie, his p o s i t i o n would be secured as superior over both the n a t u r a l and many - including'•the, 'adopted children*. But what about the original fathers of these adopted children? Were they 'to be robbed of t h e i r heirs simply because ? their mothers chose to attach themselves to. may f a t h e r ' s i il '• 11 -?- How could they know what i t meant to be one of my f a t h e r 's children, how i t was to be blinded or erased by his personality? How could these strangers know the heartbreak his altruism had brought or of struggling with thorny issues such as legitimacy and s e l f - s u f f i c i e n c y ? They couldn't know. Many had grown up outside the P r i n c i p l e , had overturned t h e i r security and fled to my f a t h e r . They couldn't know the strenth required by one |
