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Show house/ -' 394 about you." With this information I would plot his demise. I would make him love me and I would drop him. But he was curiously unemotional about everything: his parents, his brothers and sisters, his time in reform school. Nothing excited him except sex - sex and the fights he had been in until he was too old to escape being sentenced for assault. And still I held out the reward. "Not until you feel something for me. You have to feel something for me..." It wasn't long before Brian caught on that I was seeing someone else. "It won't happen again," I promised tearfully. "It was a crazy impulse. We're only friends," I lied. The night he found the two of us parked at the end of my street and insisted I come with him, I knew I had to confess my entanglement or lose Brian forever- I told him the story of the rape. "I can't understand it myself," I told him, weeping. "It's like there's two people in me - and one of them is beyond control. Oh - not like you think! But I have to make him respect me...don't you see?" Brian did not see. "Vermin respect nothing. Vermin ought to be exterminated. You'd better make up your mind. You'd better get control or you won't be seeing me anymore." One night I went with him, telling Brian that I was ill and had to stay in bed. This is the last time, I told myself, Tonight he will tell me he loves me, and then I will that he's not a man, not even human. ^11 him that he makes me coldA And I will never see him again. |