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Show (,f? other, taller mothers who came out to help. Aunt Rachelwasn't f a n a t i c a l about r e l i g i o n as some of the others were. In f a c t , she seemed to resent,, overlong meetings and prayers and the continual discussions of doctrine. She seemed bored by a b s t r a c t i o n s and revelled in the sensate world. She was a reader of gestures and f a c i a l expressions, rather than words, and so i n t u i t e d when others looked down on her, scorning her simplicity. But she was also forgiving, her soul always poised to accept the order of things even when she had nothing to feed her children because someone else had purchased a new dining set. Once, s h o r t l y before she died, she confessed r e l i g i o us her resentment of the group's^fanaticism to my father. She felt i t was a p r i s o n on her mind, and that i t hadn't produced the equity i t promised. I understood her feelings only too well. If there was room in our family for Aunt Rachel.. f r e e s p i r i t that she was - then there should also be tolerance for me and^others who moved at something less fit. eitgecfeeC than'pTpomluiB pace. My thoughts about Aunt Helga had so long been colored by resentment and confusion, self-doubt and guilt that even the shift in my r e l a t i o n s h i p with my father didn't afford me much o b j e c t i v i t y . I found i t d i f f i c u l t to separate my thoughts of her from those of my mother. For years they had represented two extremes to me, had become a d i a l e c t i c , an a n t i t h e t i c al equation which seemed e s s e n t i a l to the workings of my psyche. Aunt Helga was gregarious, my mother was shy. Aunt Helga was a s s e r t i v e , my mother was passive. Aunt Helga^was dominating and my mother easily-dominated. Aunt Helga was * and my mother was weak. |
