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Show 7 77 In the course of h i s tour of duty, he was promoted and demoted eleven times. Washington could not keep pace with his shifts in rank and pay. I was always miaddressing h i s l e t t e r s. •Why do you get demoted and promoted so much?' I wrote. me His reply struckAas somewhat garbled. 'If you knew what its like in a combat zone, you'd understand. A man doesn't keep his brass polished when he knows he might now" l i v e another doesn't day if he A keep h i s weapon clean and sharp. Unless h e ' s : my radioman, Hoagie, t h a t i s . He l e t his p i s t o l rust shut during his first week of combat but somehow h e ' s never been h i t. Thanks to me, probably - or to Somebody. Hoagie knows how to live this. He has something - f a i t h or no fear, or something.' 'Anyway,.some u p s t a r t l i e u t e n a n t , new i n country and out to get promoted,storms i n here and s t a r t s flashing orders t h a t ' ll get us a l l k i l l e d . I won't do i t . I won't s a c r i f i c e a l o t of lives to somebody's ego. So I get busted. Then the l i e u t e n a nt gets killed s t r u t t i n g h i s stuff - - ' and there's no one to take over, so headquarters promotes me while they scare up somebody e l s e . I t ' s a c i r c l e , a crazy c i r c l e. And I'm in the middle of i t . There a r e n ' t too many t h a t can stay alive where we a r e ." In the aftermath of Hawaii, something throbbed with the sense that Brian had been t o r n from me forever. I went to classes and made up missed exams, explaining my absence in "techanical tones. My t e a c h e r s accepted my excuses with dually.detached mien. No one understood the l o s s , the confusion, the fear I experienced; i t seemed no one cared to understand. |