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Show house/ 438 didn't let on t h a t his mother's suspicions were l i k e an iron ist in my stomach. From Aunt Helga came my studiousness and my confidence. t was the part of me that Aunt Helga had bred which arose at awn after a l a t e evening and studied for teatai prepared fUl'-M^ lasses A I t was the cool J independent side of me that would urvive my love a f f a i r with Brian. From Aunt Elsa came conviction. I was convicted. Brian and were to marry - i t was the will of God, and that was enough. espite our youth, despite our confusions, we would do what e knew was right and ignore the res t of the world. Aunt Elsa ad done i t a l l her l i f e , facing out the r e s t of the world ith her firm dedication to the Principle. From the hovering loud of six wife-mothers, she had somehow wrought an identity ased on righteousness. grew And from my own mothers a t h i r s t for beauty and perfection. Ms was the part of me that demanded unflawed moments, perfect mgagements, movie-screen kisses and moonlit glances. This was :he part of me that t h r i l l e d when Brian looked at me a certain fay or kissed my hand. It was the part of me that turned away, d•»^yAe<lil ?wofh emn e:l i faet tadcikds nooft mmaerettr ymdoy mi,d esaelfifs-rtiigch T^esCtTimtraanteerssus , slothfulness, self-doubt as well as astonishing, uncharacteristic lets of charity, benevolence, honesty: a l l could be ascribed to the imprinting of my several mothers. In one way we were separate, individualized as my father. And in another we were fragments, bits and pieces engaged in acts of creation and desecration °eneath the beneficent gaze of our leader, our father. |