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Show house/ 372 understand how their minds worked. How could they be at once savage and human? Why was I usually unable to out-manipulate them even though I was generally brighter? Was there a kind of intelligence, some dark province of wisdom father's also that had been denied to me in my/tnarrow world? lAwanted to civilize them, to teach them to care for others, to make them feel responsible for their effect on the world. Despite my obsession, I was seriously out-classed in the scheme to domesticate these wolves. They did not want to learn about love and caring, and my own reservoirs were nearly depleted. On foreign ground, I was at a" distinct disadvantage for I was never sure what I would be dealing with next. This aspect was ZZZ. most attractive; I felt reckless, that I was learning about danger by confronting it. I was learning something important about life and the high speed chase toward death. It was all very romantic and thrilling until a fist slammed into my mouth, the way one man will hit another man, and I knew that I was closer to the finish line than I had realized.. I had driven through the streets of my neighborhood with blood pounding in my ears and saline on my tongue. Christmas lights winked from the now-familiar houses, but they brought me no warmth, no cheer. I was alone here, where the people knew about my family, where they had Perhaps formed an opinion of me by the company I kept. Especially I was alone in my mother's house. "A- in the car my father had given me, I felt abandoned, alone. It had been Aunt HelgaVscar> Dut I had promised my mother that I wnnid rend a particularly unsettling relationship if |