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Show housed 437 Hhy, when she had had so l i t t l e a l l her l i f e , was she w i l l i ng to settle for even l e s s ? Why was I unwilling to share Brian even with h i s own mother? Why was I always hungry, ravening, searching for more? Although Renae'seyes seemed bleary and unaware, she had sensed my comparison of our two r i n g s , our two l i v e s . She didn't seem to mind. "You be happy," she whisp-ered c o n f i d e n t i a l l y, patting my hand" and backing away as though to give me the room I have always wanted, demanded in my own heai IT Hui <j,yus soomojd ill knn , , H y ig-a q q h o "hg""'kprl i n t ° thf3-ojpgMvd • I f e l t stripped and cracked open - my fullbloodedness exposed. I sat down on a folding chair and s t a r e d numbly. Slowly I realized t h a t the worst was over. If Brian was going to change his mind, he had already done i t . I could s i t calmly now, watching my mothers and b r o t h e r s and s i s t e r s . I r e a l i z e d t h a t there was a piece of each of them i n s i d e me and a l a r g e chunk of each Gerda came of the mothers. From Aunt A Amy penchant for systematizing. Brian had laughed at my l i s t s , ignored my budgets and told me bluntly t h a t I could not control the workings of the universe. But s t i l l , the need was t h e r e. S SLIPS h From Aunt * came the a b i l i t y to laugh at the moment when things were too deadly s e r i o u s to be endured. When Brian admitted t h a t h i s mother TrollsVfefl I was only i n t e n t on marriage because I wanted the t e n thousand d o l l a r s insurance money, should he be k i l l e d in Vietnam. "There are women l i k e t h a t , you know," he had said a p o l o g e t i c a l l y , as though he had wondered about my motives himself. Ami I , knowing t h a t he had wondered, that he s t i l l d i d n ' t t r u s t me, had laughed. "Ten thousand? Is t h a t a l l? I think a l l t h i s g r i e f deserves another t e n thousand as well. If we're t a k i n g aBOUT monwys l e t ' s make i t worth-while!" |
