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Show (,02. rest of us wanted her - she was so refined and talented and lovely. And we wanted E l s a too, although we never dreamed she'd be married so young. It was because of your f a t h e r 's prison sentence, you know. They thought he could be there for up to five years. " "You never f e l t any jealousy or competition? Really, now, Mama." I was thinking of the insufferable heat in my chest when Brian came home too l a t e or when he O'aaic homo and- rolled away from me before I could reach out to him. I was almost certain he was seeing someone e l s e . The c e r t a i n t y did me no good, however, for he refused" to admit to anything and I refused to follow him around. I was not tempted to be unfaithful to him - I had learned the price of t h a t . At times I f e l t that this/was my punishment for showing no i n t e r e s t in l i v i n g the Principle. At other times I compared my l o t with my mother' s,*f ooling^ha-fr ^* shards of mirror women are R a f t e r a l l , only pieces of a whole self, reflected only tt could not possibly be enough for Brian, as my mother was not enoughj through t h e i r men. A But I could not convince my soul of t h i s . l for myr--" gather?] My mother was shaking her head. "The only time I felt any distress at all was that and your father had been married for quite awhile before I even guessed that they were together. And I felt so stupid! But otherwise, all my feelings have been in accord - until now. I never thought 1 could have such feelings. I've tried to school them, but they keep coming back. I have this dream that I'm trying to throw these terrible, mixed-up paintings with terrible garish colors out the window. And they keep coming back to me, like boomerangs. " |