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Show 5 tot Ed was s i l e n t , his face only a s i l h o u e t t e . My g u i lt faded and increased l i k e the f i r e. "I love you," I said to Brian. This time I meant i t. Despite the doubts, despite the blackened scape of Vietnam-, despite clouds of shame and confusion, I knew in a way that I had not known when I said my marriage vov/s that here, with Brian, would be my heaven and my h e l l. i Our house seemed more haunted than ever when we returned with Becky who had been l o s t in a crowd for over an hour when a mis-fired firework exploded in the lap of the person s i t t i ng beside her. When I had calmed her, tucked her in bed and helped her with a prayer and a l u l l a b y e , I went into Brian. He lay across the bed; darkness exuded from him. "Did Ed go to bed?" I asked. Brian grabbed my w r i s t . "Why do you care what he does?" " I . . . h e ' s our guest, t h a t ' s a l l ." "No, h e ' s our freeloader. He's a h a s s l e , an imposition." I gasped. "Brian - how can you say that? He's your friend." "He used to be my friend." I rubbed my forehead and stared out the window at the the webbed branches of t r e e s . "I thought you loved him -- I thought the three of us would build a l i f e together. He could find a g i r l f r i e n d . " „ . With him around, Brian exploded h i s breath. AI couldn't turn my back for |