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Show P/2- voice echoed back. "A free man must take his freedom and live i t out as God wishes him t o . Even if the result is the loss of loved ones. Even if the result is death." I was vaguely disturbed by the idolatrous implications of what I saw as we prayed in unison, repeating the words of the oldest of my f a t h e r ' s sons who was present. Perhaps we reverenced him too much, or perhaps he was now a ruler of another sphere, having l e f t the mark of ownership on us. But the mark was love - not tyranny, a longing -to be with him again, a hope against the uncertain future and the t e r r i b le burden of personal r e s p o n s i b i l i t y . I didn't know what his death had brought, could not judge his l i f e or the rewards i t had brought him. All I knew was the wash of light, the power and grip of the vision, and a remarkable solacespreading through me, at once warming and cooling, at once poignant and soothing, at once unifying and separating. The f e e l i n g dfied any conflict about blasphemy and idolatry, smothered arguments about god and godhead, true and false prophets and priesthood lineage. The feeling defied sorrow, for my f a t h e r had reached to the depths and heights of his being to l i v e consistently with his beliefs. He had lived a good l i f e , so why sorrow except for myself that I had not loved him b e t t e r , freed of abstraction and fear. Theologies d i d n ' t r e a l l y matter. Doctrines feebly attempted to explain the phenomenon of a l i f e well-lived. Between the theorizing and the application, a hundred thousand souls are l o s t . To love one's fellow beings, to love one's own l i f e, to love one's God. These things mattered. |