OCR Text |
Show &1 shape and I didn't know how to give i t an appropriate form, something that would bring our l i v e s together in a consistent structure. The t r a d i t i o n s and r i t u a l s of my paternal household gradually f e l l away, for my f a t h e r had always been the overseer of family and s p i r i t u a l meetings, while my mother and Aunt Helga had planned domestic celebrations and routines. But Brian took no i n t e r e s t in such a c t i v i t i e s . The l i t t le priesthood he had held before he went to Vietnam seemed to have been lost there, or forgotten. And he resented my attempts to establish/domestic order. "I hate r o u t i n e s , " he had said more than once. "Life is already so predictable I can hardly stand i t . " He was speaking, of course, of the daily job and n i g h t l y -=z -•" college classes. He had announced that he would quit his job at the bank as soon as I was teaching school. " I t 's my turn to fool around," he had said, half-jokingly. But I was shocked and dismayed. I had intended to stay home with Becky, perhaps have another child. Men in my family did not quit work, nor did they 'fool around,' just as they did not absolve themselves of the r e s p o n s i b i l i t y for family structure. I should have taught her to say the blessing myself, I was thinking throughout t h i s moment of extended shame and agony. Why d i d n ' t I have the strength to o f f i c i a t e , to create s ofder in my own household? But Becky folded her arms, closed her eyes and said a beautiful blessing, similar to the one I had always said. 1 was astonished. Had i t been recorded on her genes, a la Leonard's theory? T^y mother was smiling proudly as |