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Show uq "Yes. But I'm not the bitch at this table." I gazed across at Danny's wife. She was slumped in her chair and giggled nervously. Then her grin faded to a sneer. "Nobody calls me that and gets away with it," she said. Her voice held enough banter to sustain the atmosphere - as had all her insults, carefully sheathed in propriety and 'good fun.' She and Danny even had a name for their game: 'zinging' they called it, or 'honest fun,' they called it. Their 'honest' remarks about me and other members of my family had nearly ruined my sense of humor. But I still loved them! It seemed preposterous to me that I could still love them. 'And if thy brother does not believe, turn thy back on him as if he were a heathen. ' Oh, they had shown profound interest in us. They were always setting up golf-games and tet^atetes, always including us on their camping and river trips. My attachment to them was like the rapist. I had wanted so much to believe that he really cared for me, that he held some undiscovered, heartfelt need ,-gogi ma. that it was my responsibility to awaken so that QiWC lives would not be dismembered, mutated, and ruined withAviolence. Perhaps if I opened all unto them, nothing would be taken, I had thought, and only growth and love would result. _ _ and vulnerability But love had not resulted. Only disrespect*had resulted. It was/the same, even for Brian who only shrugged when I Hxcct etlVwrce Col** threatened to leave, knowing a*Awas against my 45*11111-11111 w" and that I would never go. I finished the round of pinochle and went to bed, my hand cupped around my distended navel which f e l t as though someone had lodged an icepick in i t. |