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Show i-o7 of Hawaii flooded through me. I f e l t jn/Aj in t h i s dark bar with this dirty old man. I bowed my head. I was so t i r e d of lying. I didn't want my marriage riddled with l i e s , the way the rest of my l i f e had always been. " I . . . I don't Don't most of the guys over there use i t . . . ?" "Gunny" leered. "Don't matter how manyiy of them use i t. It's ^.'if-zzz. they get caught. And i f he got caught, honey, he's in trouble deep. No t e l l i n g /'£-. - h e ' l l ever get home." My hands began to tremble. I set my fork down. "You said you did some checking. What did you find out?" I had to be careful, I reminded myself. He was the one with the power. He could brush me away l i k e a l l the senators and congressmen I had contacted. The "Gunny" smiled long and slow. "Well, now, we'll get to t h a t . . . . " He guzzled h i s second drink. "Let's dance." I was so close to t e a r s I couldn't answer, but l e t him lead me onto the dance floor. He pulled me close and smelled of booze and sour socks. I pulled away and stiffened. My hands were cold. He seemed not to notice, but craned his neck around. He wanted to see i f - t h e y were watching, I realized, wanted to see if the others in the club - h i s r i v a l s and buddies - envied him, t h i s old man with h i s ' d a t e ' - a g i r l of twenty, blonde, slim, carefully dressed. I sickened. "It a i n ' t r i g h t , " he was saying. "A p r e t t y thing like you alone so long - without a man." My stomach revolted. I could t a s t e salad dressing and b i l e. AH the lonely moments, a l l the moments of compromise , a l l the moments of prayer, the moments of hugging my daughter and Pretending i t was Brian I held, the moments when I broke down ^d went out - to a r e s t a u r a n t to drink coffee and talk |
