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Show m many years, when she didn't dare go home. She'd had no twin to turn to, no burning cause of rapid expansion, no burnished idol to unhold. She had simply loved him and needed him, human being that we was - as I had done. But she still believed, without the slightest rip in the fabric of her faith, that on her own day of parting, she would be his in eternity. When I had driven my mother and Aunt Helga home, Brian and I wearily loaded our daughters into the car and drove toward our house. The sense of divine design unravelled as we sped along the dark pavement and was lost. The events of recent years blurred and fogged into insubstatial mist. I felt empty, yet freighted with guilt. Why hadn't I gone to see him yesterday? Why hadn't I gone to see him today when my feelings prompted? Why had I always let the needs or expectations of others matter more than mine? Now I would not see him until - Perhaps I would never see him again. I had been taught that those who failed to live the higher law would not receive the higher glory. Since I did not live the Principle, according to the teaching I would be caught in terrestrial glory, unable to visit my father on his celestial throne. According to the doctrine, I would not be able to travel through space and time, would not be able to translate my life from one sphere to another- I could find no argument in my own favor. I fell upon the bedspread, feeling heavyand dry as an empty riverbed as / - - I sank into black sleep. The phone rang continually in my confused dreams as I fought waking. As in other nightmares of the preceding year, someone was trying to kill me or trying to kill my father and |