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Show I was no more able to s e p a r a t e myself from B r i a n ' s p a r t i c i p a t i on in the war than I was able to d i s t i n g u i s h my t r u e i d e n t i t y from my father's opinion of me. In my mind, we were trapped in the same labyrinth, faced with the same d i a l e c t i c : a government with supreme authority which / n s i s t e d t h a t communism must be stopped,and a peer group advocating i n d i v i d u a l anarchy and - associatively - the advance of communism through i t s denouncement of all existing forms of a u t h o r i t y , p a r t i c u l a r l y the 'war-machine establishment.' Each side had i t s own r a t i o n a l argument, i ts particular good p o i n t s , but n e i t h e r had balance or o b j e c t i v i t y. My challenge and B r i a n ' s challenge was to remain o b j e c t i v e . But how did one do t h a t while caught i n the throes of the s i t u a t i o n? How did one deny o n e ' s own responses, one's runaway feelings, bred by turmoil and defeat? The world was split in two, d i s s e c t ed charted and A like a s t i f f , s t i n k i n g frog. Communism versus democracy. Force versus freedom. The l i n e s were blurred, 1 tissue exposed, muscle severed. diagrams;/awryp ^ .What e x i s t e d where - and how? Days passed and Brian did not come home on sick leave nor did he recieve the coveted dishonorable discharge. I could discern from the tone of h i s l e t t e r s t h a t h i s survival i n s t i n c t had taken °ver. He was s e t t l i n g i n t o the war, s t a t i o n e d near the DMZ where he would be a l e r t and b a t t l e - h a r d e n e d , l i v i n g from one minute to next. Often, while l o s t in the bush or i s o l a t e d on some remote fire-base he would suddenly be the senior man, commander of his men. He was f r e q u e n t l y the only one who knew what to do. 'They c a l l me Moses,' he wrote, 'and I don't even know why. I have no idea why or where I'm leading them.' |