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Show U3 "It's time to stop! No more s a c r i f i c e on the a l t a r of fear!" The baby stared up at me for an extended moment, her eyes ride and frightened. Then she began to scream. Sickness - at myself, at the world, rose in my t h r o a t . I put my hand over my mouth and raced for the bathroom. Afterward, when a l l the tremors had stopped, I went calmly to the telephone and called the Salt Lake Mental Health Jenter. One result of my v i s i t s with a counselor was that I quarreled with Danny and his wife, an argument founded on somethng t r i v i a l , which was really my f i r s t attempt to overthrow t h e i r influence over me and Brian. I retreated in a morass of confusion and mistrust, but Brian continued to feel friendly toward them. They seemed to welcome the distance from me, but they held onto Brian, t e l l i n g him, "We like you the way you are. You don't have to change for us. If Jeannie wants you to stop drinking or smoking grass, t h a t ' s her problem." Where once I had f e l t that my'thoughts and beliefs were dependent on Danny's approval, now I began to feel that the success of my marriage rested in his hands because of his influence over Brian. I watched the three of them with the unwholesome feeling that I *s peering through a keyhole at the games and antics of some unholy tJtn&y^ t r i ad which l e f t me outside, with the children and the bedtime stories and p l a t i t u d e s that my mother had told to me, alone as she had been to hide my fears and^temper the fragile prism of my Pagination. Danny .and h i s wife continued to include me in camping t r i ps ^yard p a r t i e s , but I f e l t i t was for the sake of appearance. Someone BUsUend legitimacy to t h e i r gatherings; someone must take care of the children. We played pinochle and watched television together. Played with my baby, and I told myself that I could t r u s t him - |