OCR Text |
Show (,36 "You mean the Church still believes in the Principle, even though it isn't practiced?" He nodded. "I've had private counsel with some of the brethren and they foresee that the day when these things will be fully restored is^nt too far off." I looked at my hands and coughed. A piece of apple seemed to have stuck in my throat. What if the Principle were no longer outlawed, how would I feel about it then? Would I want to live it? Would I have the same problems with my own character if there was no threat of persecution? Would the lifestyle be more or less beautiful? I wasn't sure how I felt about anything. I felt alienated from both Church and group-, from my father and from Brian7' Everything in my life seemed suspended and mutually exclusive like so many vegetables hung from the ceiling, wintering. Everone around me seemed to insist that I choose one or the other: garlic or onion or carrots or potatoes or corn. No one said that I could have it all. And I refused to choose. Would I have all or nothing? "There's so much to be sorted out," I said, staring at the fists in my lap. "The world is in such a mess." When I looked up he was wearing that old look of the shepherd - simultaneously tender and strict.I Wanted desperately to tell him of my fears and suspicions, but something in his face - °r Perhaps it was only in my view of him - walled up my words before they were spoken. I could not expose him to these things. |