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Show S'%1 Meanwhile, I had to maintain my grades so that my scholarship wouldn't be l o s t , so attended classes from seven u n t i l noon. In the afternoon I played with Becky, feeling myself to be performing a poor mime of my mother. I discovered that I had neither the patience not the a p p e t i t e for housewifely duties with children that my mother had shown, and I hadn't her tolerance*, either, despite what I was being taught in school. School was my major source of meaning during t h i s time of formlessness. I p a r t i c i p a t e d in the desecration of t r a d i t i o n al educational models, r i d i n g the crest of permissiveness in a sort of i n t e l l e c t u a l empathy with Brian. Besides, I had always believed that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink - wasn't I a shining example of the adage? I was strongly influenced by t e a c h e r - t r a i n i n g professors and the influx of l i t e r a t u r e in support of the educational revolution. One author, George Leonard, struck a p a r t i c u l a r l y resonant chord. In his book Education and Ecstasy he described the function of DNA systems - the way c e l l s keep record of a l l learning, so that patterns of l i v i n g are passed from parent to child through the genes. He spoke of the separateness and schizophrenia of our c u l t u r e , so divided against i t s e l f that fathers were at philosophical and psychological war with t h e i r sons - the generation gap, he called i t . Then he made a prediction that struck me as nearly prophetic: that we, as a people, would eventually r e t u r n to a t r i b a l system of l i v i n g , where the order was f i l i a l , the hierarchy based on age and a b i l i t y , the respect f°r authority a n a t i v e rendering of f i l i a l gratitude, the values |