In My Father's House

Page 777

797 out which tree had been my f a v o r i t e for climbing, and which swing had knocked the scar into my l e f t eyebrow, had coaxed them to wade in the stream where I had waded, l e t t i n g minnows nibble my toes. But before, the experience had been warm and sweetly nostalgic. Now I f e l t the gloom of that l a s t confused and frightened hour before my/father's family was scattered across the Rocky Mountain s t a t e s. The swimming pool was green with moss. Several giant gold carp swam i n the shallow water. The sight turned my stomach - perhaps because of the swampy stench or because I had always hated the t i g h t , t r a n s p a r e n t captivity of goldfish bowls and ponds. Suddenly, i n s t i n c t i v e l y I turned. The long-buried pond where Marie was drowned had somehow crept back! Grass grew at i t s edge and a small duck rippled the water. I thought, then, that I could see her reaching out for i t. "Marie," I croaked, then trembled violently. Janelle began to whimper. "Go to the car. Please, Mommy?" I hurried to the s t a t i o n wagon and motioned to Clare. "I can't stay." "Just a couple more shots, ok?" I nodded and got into the car, then stared at the weathered face of the barn, trying to figure myself out. You're a fool, I told myself, behaving with no more perspective or presence of mind than your l i t t l e g i r l . Imagining ghosts! And then I could feel, could almost see Grandmother Allred at the :ri__ window. I sensed a cold finger on the back of my neck, could hear her voice rasping in my e a r s . I f e l t that a b a r r i e r between worlds was t e a r i n g l i k e a worn-out curtain, and shut my eyes t i g h t l y , clutching my f i s t s against my temples. When I opened them. thPre w.s omy misty day, the sun veiled by ragged clouds.