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Show Cjs -Don't worry about me, dear." He seemed touched by my concern for him ~ but how could that be when so many u t t e r ly depended on him from one moment to the next? " I ' l l go when the Lord wants me to - not one moment sooner." I was s i l e n t , awed by h i s courage and f a i t h . He seemed absolutely unafraid. I remembered how, in the years of the raids, fear had worn on him, made him impatient and brusque. He had behaved like a thief or a murderer, skulking up the back steps. Now, although inch more than material freedom was being threatened, he had transcended fear. Did old age make death seem f r i e n d l i e r , somehow, orhadhe also transcended death i t s e l f ? I thought of t h i s , and k seemed more god-like than ever. The d i s t i n c t i o n was so hard to keep in mind. Perhaps the Principle did transform men into gods. But s t i l l , he could not be my god. He would never condone »yexperience, and he was i n no p o s i t i o n to understand i t. S t i l l , he seemed s o f t e r and l e s s c r i t i c a l . Even as he or W of the apostate groups/tof those of his children who owed him money or broke promises, his tone was clear, purified of i ts toifying sarcasm. Uprightness and r e l i a b i l i t y s t i l l mattered to him. b was dismayed and perplexed that h i s children had gone astray. He M not see his part in t h e i r lack of development. But he didn't condmn them or r a i l against^ t h e i r f a u l t s . He d i d n ' t accuse them of being finals or children of the Devil. So far he had said nothing oftoe ashtray on my kitchen t a b l e , nor had he reminded me of my ligation to l i v e the P r i n c i p l e . His *&lS a t t i t u d e was one of concern. I almost wished he would rebuke me for not attending family m ^ligious meetings so that I would have an excuse to attend Sunday school or home evening. It had been four or five years since aci seen some members of the family. |
