| OCR Text |
Show jhe first step: To make myself l e g a l . I was born a bastard, by Church and Government s t a n d a r d s . I am not even one of the native people, not even Mexican. But I w i l l make myself l e g a l . I will read the books and find the p h r a s e s , the ways to make myself l e g a l. Sod made me, He cannot f o r g e t me. I w i l l not allow i t! I stood up and looked i n t o the mirror again. Beads of sweat had formed on my forehead. My palms were sweating. How did I think and f e e l such t h i n g s , as though caught in a time ivarp or teleported through space i n t o someone e l s e ' s mind? How long had I been*in horo? My chest hurt and my temples throbbed. Howell I knew E r v i l ! Better, almost, than my own father. I knew the s t r a i n of t h a t p o s i t i o n , of p i t t i n g oneself against an e n t i r e c u l t u r e , of combing the scriptures for meaning and self-understanding. But not for power. No. I did not know what to do with power. If I had power I would walk i n t o the l i v i n g room and command them t o . . . l o v e God, love one another. Or perhaps I would tell them to l i s t e n only to me, for I was r i g h t , I had the answers, I had passed through the f i r e . Perhaps, if I was endowed with power I would abuse i t , j u s t as o t h e r s did. Doubt and f e a r seemed to f l y at my b r a i n , l i ke hungry, Persistent crows,. The universe seemed so desolate - orderly, yet f a t e d . Man was flawed, his noble character undermined ^ pride or ambition. He was compelled to act out the seeds of madness and d e s t r u c t i o n endowed by h i s f a t h e r and f o r e f a t h e r s. And yet Christ had taught t h a t we are not what we eat or wear °r what our p a r e n t s m . He had taught that the s p i r i t of God is ^ r y t h i n g . I thought of the Bible, how each concept was s t r u c t u r ed »ith an open end. The words l e f t human choices, .were not condemned to a=tion. God had revealed His plans to men i n the hope tha t they would |
