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Show Solent could bear heaven away, and w*w±4 the e v i l toa* Ervil p l o t t ed as against my father was-„inevitable as t h i s f u l f i l l m e n t of Danny's long-ago indenture? Was my l i f e p a r t of some monstruus, divine plan, a pact to weave heaven and h e l l together? I remembered t h a t my f a t h e r had bound me, too, by words. Perhaps i t did not m a t t e r who led or who followed. Perhaps i t did not matter who was master, who was s l a v e . Perhaps a l l was .chaos and ego. ' I n s e c u r i t y i s the root of everything. Everyone acts out of insecurity. ' Danny had s a i d 1fo## a t the beginning of the evening. I shook my head slowly. 'There are other motives. Curiousity and joy in l i v i n g . And a wish to help o t h e r s . And t h e r e are p r i n c i p l es that transcend i n s e c u r i t y and the need to s u r v i v e . ' Danny had seemed angry that I disagreed with him. a I flashed on a Sunday school i n my childhood A q u e s t i o n posed by the teacher- 'Would you give your l i f e to save a member of your family?1 I had nodded hard enough to give myself whiplash. I would die for my mother and f a t h e r , for my b r o t h e r s , would die six times if I hd s i x l i v e s . But what i f giving my l i f e made no difference, md saved no one? What i f I gave out of fear, instead of ou.f of love? Then, wasn't the s a c r i f i c e meaningless? My f a t h e r had s a i d t h a t anything worth having r e q u i r e s some sacrifice. He often t o l d the mothers or the members of the group *o came with t h e i r problems for h i s commiseration t h a t they must labor with t h e i r burdens as a mother l a b o r s to bear a c h i l d . He ' * * t o a tM£e*mother w i l l love the c h i l d to the extent of her willingness t0 suffer. I thought of how my mother had suffered because of Saul. 1 bought of how she had suffered because of my f a t h e r . Bmt She had let her h e a r t be t o r n by love of them, more than fear of them. |