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Show (,s$ he was my brother, the only remnant of my family that s t i l l reached out tome, even if it was only because of Brian. And then I would find myself the subject of a joke or criticism; my beliefs and my personality, my writings - even the ffay I looked was not exempted from their 'zingers.' They seemed to take vicious delight in my inability to defend myself. Why had I never learned this type of psychological streetfighting? Why couldn't I trade insult for insult? Why couldn't I stab below the psychological belt, probing the vulnerable underside of the subconscious? My primary weakness was that I couldn't stop myself from trying to share. I showed them my writings, I talked about my feelings and my spiritual attitudes, laying myself wide open to attack. I told myself I was planting seeds of love and hope, that I was trying to 3w?ea4s-hard, phosphorescent rock isto arable s o i l , ^ ^ ^ kvZ " ^ ^ ^"fP^ C" 'Jfcne. Danny bounced my baby on his knee. I thought how ridiculous it was to mistrust him. I thought of the baby's birth, an experience of sacred proportion in my mind. It had reinforced my womanhood, had provided a moment of renewed bonding between Brian and me, a healing, beautiful time of growth - almost a resurrection of our mutual respect for life and for one another. If only i t had been sustained. "It was so beautiful when she was born," I said, leaning over Danny to tickle her chin. Danny grinned. He felt the same "ay as everyone in my family about babies. Dierdre laughed harshly. "What's beautiful about that! rhe most awkward, ridiculous position in the world. Your legs like this," she flailed them in the air- "All those people poking *eir hands and fingers into you." Dierdre had said she didn't want ^y more children. |