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Show I would have to find a way to include everything, to bridge-the great gaps and divisions and to bring it into a wholeness, a roundness, a paradise of living truth. It would be my chance to walk with God as Enoch had, be translated to a place of effusive, transparent perfection. Long after I awakened, I sat staring, touched by the beauty and power of the dream. I felt bathed in warm light and security, felt kept a plane apart from Brian who lay snoring heavily, his breath reeking of tobacco and alcohol. It seemed as though the guardian angel jzrbf my childhood had returned, having left my side during the years of sin and disgrace. And now, I had been graced again; I had received a personal revelation, a calling. In a moment of epiphany I felt that I knew exactly why I had been born into this family and why I had experienced such a multivarious, painful, and sin-filled life. My life suddenly made sense, was as clear as a pure-pool or a Rocky Mountain sky. No longer was I tangled in my own mazes and mental turmoil. The grace had been wings - perspective. I had been visited by angels and ancestors and given a great and precious blessing - and responsibility. Perhaps Brian felt my new separateness, the integrity of my new and secret dream, for he expressed the wish that we have another child. I was both confused and delighted, for he seemed s° disinclined to love me. "I'd have to quit work," I insisted. "I don't believe in letting someone else rear my children." He nodded. "I'll get a better job - something that will Provide for all of us." His promises extended no farther. |