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Show But once the baby was born, my s o c i a l s e l f ripened like an overloaded branch, weighted with need and no one to pick the boughs. Then one day between c l a s s e s , I saw my friend Jeanne in the restroom. It had been t h r e e y e a r s . She begged to know about my life and was d e l i g h t e d to hear about my baby. She wasnted to visit, to see my l i t t l e g i r l . Oh, how she wished she knew Brian - she knew she would l i k e him. And I must meet her fiance' and her 'other best f r i e n d . ' Jeanne was more b e a u t i f u l than ever, with the refinement t h a t goes with wealth/ and with the grace of a sweet and moral temperament. She was more l i k e my mother than I had realized before. The two of them v i s i t e d , cooing over the baby, seeming to enjoy each o t h e r ' s presence exclusive of me. I could scarcely endure the comparison of our two l i v e s. As before, hers seemed so p e r f e c t , so p r e d i c t a b l e - a ll that it should be. She belonged to a s o r o r i t y and was t r a i n i ng to be a schoolteacher. Her fiance planned to become a lawyer; they would marry i n t h r e e years, at graduation-time. When we were alone in my room, she asked what I though of sex before marriage. I flushed. "Sometimes i t s the only p o s s i b i l i t y ." I didn't want to go i n t o the s t o r y behind our marriage, but neither did I want her to think I condoned loose l i v i n g. "Sometimes - r a r e l y - timing i s more important than a ll the things we've been t a u g h t . And only the individual can know *en the time i s r i g h t . " Then I f e l t sorry, saying t h a t. ft sounded as though I was advocating d i s o r d e r - and her Ufe was o r d e r l y and pure, while mine was disheveled and lonely, strafed with the pain of waiting for the mailman. Jeanne nodded sagely, a s though she understood my predicament. |