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Show He was s i l e n t . I b i t my f i s t . "I'm sorry. I'm making it harder than ever for you." "If I didn't go back, I would never know for sure why I ran...whether i t was fear of dying i n s t e a d of fear of k i l l i n g. Don't you see, i t ' s commitment. I committed to go. Commitment is the only thing t h a t keeps me from being l i k e my f a t h e r . . . . If I don't go and f i n i s h my time with the Corps, I ' l l never be able to face myself a g a i n . " ----. - ' • .- ^ ' - .;....i,.. I sat sobbing s o f t l y , s t a r i n g at the rain. He put a finger under my chin and turned my face to meet h i s. "I know you don't understand t h i s r i g h t now, but you'd never be able to face me, e i t h e r ." "You're wrong! I ' d love you anyway!" Then suddenly the fight was gone from me. I f e l t limp and weak. I d i d n ' t want to go to Canada, not r e a l l y . I was too young to be alone in a strange country with a new baby and a confused, frightened husband. Despite our proud, r e b e l l i o u s ways we did notAhow to be alone. We needed our f a m i l i e s , both of us. The baby s t i r r e d again and I felt my energy d r a i n i n g off, into the child. He was taking my strength, my f i g h t for B r i a n ' s l i f e . Perhaps m- was r i g h t, Perhaps I would always consider him a coward i f he d i d n ' t go. I didn't know: "You have to do what you think i s r i g h t , " I murmured. 1 looked into the r e a r view mirror and blew my nose - it was red and shiny and r a t h e r bulbous from crying. I thought of Danny - how lucky he was, with h i s wheelchair and h i s double casts. Brian was going to Vietnam for both of them. "I look terrible when I cry. I'm not going to cry anymore." I sighed. B*"ian sighed. We s t a r e d at the r a i n. |