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Show 210 Experiment in Doom I am still home and it is time for bed but, like a small child, I must have the lights on. It is more than the institutional habit of my hospital room lights being only dimmed and never really off and it is only obvious to me - and to Hy - when I am home. It is a cold fear. Something is about to happen. Something very unnameable and awful. It makes no sense. I am comfortable in my home, nestled in the mountains, and I do not have fear of the mountain lions or rattlesnakes that are surely not far from our bedroom window. We are rather isolated in our small community but I am not afraid of some sociopath breaking in and holding us at gunpoint. I cherish my hard-won religious beliefs and anyway I have knowledge that supersedes belief. I do not understand this tearing dread that is residing somewhere just below the surface of identification. "Is that OK now?" Hy is asking, turning off the overhead light and leaving on the bathroom light around the comer from our bedroom. "I'm really sorry, no. It's not light enough," I reply. What would be light enough to ease this dread? I am wondering. |