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Show 270 far as the differing symptoms," she is continuing, "it is safe to say that stiff-man syndrome is so very rare that it would take a very large group of you - not just the two of you here or the twenty that clinic has seen, but hundreds of you, over time and in all conditions - to draw any conclusions about this disease and its symptoms and its potential treatments." She is firm in her response and I am feeling my hopes for not having this disease sinking further and further down. She is right. Sometime denial is a good friend but usually reality accompanies the best hope. "What would be your motive for making this up?" she is asking. "Why would you ever want to have this disease?" I am thinking about why anyone would confine themselves inside a closed and stale room for extended periods, subjected to all sorts of new and untested medical treatments. I am remembering my constant craving to be away from here and with my family. I am wondering if there could be any pay-off for the constant pain and loneliness this chronic illness brings. I am reminded of the psychological distance disease and wheelchairs create between the owner and this society. There is nothing quite as lonely as being regarded as an inspiration. There is nothing quite as grievous as being routinely and thoughtlessly excluded from everyday life. Faith is silent for the minute it is taking me to ponder this and then asks, "What would you rather be doing at this moment?" |