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Show 104 "What do you mean?" he inquired with a puzzled look in his eyes. I could sense his concern. It had been many, many long excruciating years. Life had become terrifying and unbearable. I was overwhelmed with a sense of helplessness trying to care for my wife and four children. Or worse yet, there was a deep and abiding sense of guilt for making an accidental noise sending Suz to the hospital or getting angry at my children for their doing the same. What magnified these feelings was that I had become a recluse. Our family, friends and neighbors were bereft of understanding and offered little support physically, emotionally or spiritually. I was a failure as a husband and a father, and worst of all, God had given up and abandoned me. I was alone and overwhelmed with responsibilities that paralyzed me. "What do you mean?" Michael repeated. I explained my feelings, hugged and thanked him for being the messenger that brought hope to my soul, seemingly fated to some dark existence until Suz or I were parted by death. He's still beside me, I thought. He knows my mind, my heart, my weaknesses and limits; and yet He still loves me. He's opened a door and I can see light. I took a deep, deep breath of entirely fresh air, the first in seeming years. |