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Show r ( a " " 1'" Ir Ii t,.n: n;1l ,\1 1« , ,. 6 ? . . . ~ ~ L ," 1 -n .... (. l ~. ., --- 11 f r HJ r ", ) . . .) Ir, r q r '\ .• ' }' S , (H.") Seve n Pers on cil Convi ctio ns J i fI I ( By STEPHEN R. COVEY 'I111111 II 11111 II 111111 111111 II III 11111111 111111 II III II II III UI III 1III II 1111111 III II II III 111111 II 1III II IIIlIi (Ed. note: This article concludes the series in the Church News on human and family relations, entilled " How to Succeed With People," by Stephen R. Covey.) HOW TO SUCCEED For the last article in this series, 1 would like to share seven of my deepest convictions regarding human and family relations. 1. If asked what the most helpful principle in this area is, 1 would answer: seek first to understand, then to be understood. Most of us do the very opposite. We want to be first understood. For example, take a parent who says, "How can 1 reach my teenagers? They won't listen to me at all! " Examine this puzzled father's expression again. 1 suggest the declaration "They won't listen to me at all!" is the answer to his question. This father feels sure he's right in what he wants to tell his children - and he probably is - but, like it or not, in order to reach his teenage children he may have to listen to them first before they will listen to him. However, often, when we do listen, we're like the rushed driver at a red light. We anxiously wait for the green light so we can go, so we can have our say, so we can be understood. We simply aren't listening - we only stop talking long enough to prepare our next response. We must diagnose (understand) before we prescribe (advise). 2. The second principle builds naturally on the first: we have influence with others to the degree they feel they have influence with us. When another feels you genuinely care about him, and that you understand his unique problems and feelings, he also feels he has influenced you. He will then become amazingly open to your influence. . We take the prescription - because it is based on the diagnosis. 3. We best encourage obedience to the laws of life when we live the laws of love. The key to people lies in showing love particularly unconditional love. This is a basic WITH PEOPLE 111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 kind of love which gives people a sense of intrinsic worth and security. It is unrelated to conforming behavior or comparison with others. Many have never experienced it in their upbringing, and live out of internal doubt and fear. They, therefore, borrow their security and strength from external things - appearances, status symbols, authoritative positions, past achievements, associations. This pattern passes from generation to generation, for borrowing strength inevitably builds weakness. A love-starved child is as incapable of trUly responsible behavior as a cripple is of winning foot races. One little act of kindness, one effort to understand, will do more to win cooperation and confidence than a thousand logical lectures. Such pure love is magic and will work miracles in reforming lives. We all dist.rust superficial human relations techniques and manipulative success formulas which do not flow out of a sincere attitude and a character of integrity. "Though 1 speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, 1 am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." (1 Cor. 13 :1) 4. There is a redeeming power which can make up for deficiencies in our upbringing and which can enable us to overcome our most deeply ingrained habits and tendencies. The world knows little about this power source. And science, nothing. The statement "the child is always father of the man" means that the first few years of childhood so structure the character as to last a lifetime. Such widely believed determinism may have some validity, except for the power of the • Savior who gives, to those who will receive Him in the revealed way, a new birth, a new childhood, a divine nature. 5. Those who have entered into gospel covenants are under a different set of laws and expectations - a different psychology if you will than those who do not. The mental and emotional consequences of disobedience are more severe, and are infinitely more sublime to the faithful. Gospel therapy alone can heal the sick soul or the broken relationship. Such therapy embraces the true principles and methods in every other therapy and, in addition, embodies the transcendent power of the Savior. Because the root of our problems is spiritual, the root solution must be also. 6. There is no shortcut in building either a victorious personality or a beautiful relationship or an eternal family. God's law of the harvest governs - we reap as we sow. Growth, therefore, is a step by step process. It can't be skipped, forced, or feigned. Through diligent obedience to the right laws it can be accelerated. But expecting perfection before sundown is sure discouragement - like trying to do calculus without understanding algebra. We must simply do some things before we can do other things. The common thread, therefore, which interweaves itself through success in every department of life is self discipline. Our flesh must increasingly become a servant of our spirit and our spirit a servant 'of the Holy Spirit. 7. Finally, to do all the rest, we must never become too busy to sharpen the saw. This means to regularly exercise and tune the three instruments we have to do our work - our body, our mind and our spirit. The center of the spiritual exercise is two-way prayer, which involves listening with the heart to the still small voice of the spirit and then committing to obey what is heard. The Lord often awaits our answer before He will give His. Such a daily private victory is the key to all other victories. Index Of Church News For 1970 - A complete index of stories published in the Church News during 1970 is carried in this issue. Readers will find this index, listed alphabetically with the date of issue and page number, a valuable ready reference. The letters "C.E." appearing before the issue refers to California Edition. A Aaronic Priesthood: Restoration noted M ay 16 p 5 Personal Achievement Program goes in effect Aug. 8 p 3 San Diego Norlh Stake gives special awards C.E . Aug. 8 p 13 New program outlined at seminar Dec. 19 p 4 Acosta, John F. Jr.: architect speaks language of deaf C.E. Oct. 31 p 13 Adams, Eugenia and Alfred: win dance compelilion Oct. 24 p 13 Adams, Jack c.: ioi ns ChurCh in Hawaii May 13 p 14, 15 Adamson, Harley K.: Su nday School General Board Ju ly 25 p 6 Aina, Ah Kui; H awaii an convert acti ve in Church Aug. 22 p 14 Akerbrand. Verner; president of Soderta lie Branch find s peace in Church Ap r. 18 p 12 Alask an Canadian M iss ion; ch anged to Alask a-British Columbia June 20 p 3 Alberta·Saskakh ewan M ission; Nelo E . Rhoton, president June 20 p 7 Albuqu erque East Stake: reo r ganized June 20 p 7, 10 All Americ an College Show: M ormon talent M ar. 28 p 7 Allen, C. Kay ; Sunday School General Board Aug . 15 p 7 Allred, Roger M. : President, N : > r 1h May 30 p 12 Sanpete Stake Allred, Steven: primary boy adds to building fund Mar. 14 p 13 Amer ica n River Stake: reorganized Sept. 5 p 7 Amund sen, E spen L.; baptism special to f ia ncee Feb. 27 P 4 10-t:HURCH • Anaheim West Stake: created Feb. 28 P 5 Dee F.; receives Church school post Aug . 15 P 3 Anderson, Bruce : received appointment A.F . A cademy !=.E. June 13 p 13 Anderson, Dr. Desmond L.: honored by Vietnamese Oct. 17 P 13 Anderson, Gwen: called to YWMIA General Board Sep. 26 p 5 Anderson, Joseph: Service in Church Apr. 25 p 3 Named Assistanl to the Twelve Apr. 11 p 3, 18 And erson , Wallace; missionary to Indians Aug. 22 p 6 Andes Mission: Earthquake strikes in Peru June 13 p 10 Elders relate experience ot earlhquake June 13 p 11 Upsurge in missionary work July 18 p A Changed to Peru-Ecuador June 20 p 3 And es South Mission: Church plaza in Bolivia Mar. 14 P 12 Andrews. Richard, IIKip": Indian student lauded Aug. 15 P 13 A"drus, Malilda: has mel 8 Church P residents Oct. 10 p 6 Angl e, Max M .: named m arket head Aug. 22 p 13 Anlhony, Douglas A . "Texll; athlete found Church JulY 11 p 4 Archaeolcgy: symposium held al B.Y.U. Oct. 17 p 5 Argen1ina: Pedro Eduardo Real, am bassador, visits F irst Presidency Nov. 28 p 3, 5 Arqentinc Mission: changed to Ar gentina Sou th June 20 p 3 Arq~ntin~ North M ission: changed to Argentina North June 20 P 3 Arg y le, Dean Corbett: counselor, Pocatello E a-t Stake Oct. 24 p 6, 12 Ar izona to buy Church land Dec. 19 p 13 Ar 'zon <l T em pl e; Presidency reorganized Sep. 5 p 3 Aug. 1 p 4 C. Bryanl Whiting, president Armstr ong, Irla : honored for \s~rv i cc in ,.AIA Jan . 17 P 13 Armc;tr onCl. Joh n A.: leads his c('mpary M ay 30 p 13 A r my: Sunday at Fort Ord May 23 p 8·9, 15 Ar no ld, Orson P.i p.esident Brazilian $C"'uth M i ssion June 13 p 5 Arl icles Of Faith ; put to muslc Feb. 7 p 6 Ar t ifacts; Church collecting May 2 p 2 Asay, Carlos E.: new mission president called May 9 0 6-7 Ashl ey Stake: reorganized Jan. 17 p 10 Asia; first Asian stake to be organized Jan. 17 p 3 Athen s Branch: travel 10 Germany for conference Nov. 7 p 12 Andersen~ WEEK ENDING DECEMBER 26, 1970 Alkinson. David L .: president West Virginia Stake Atlanta Stake: r eorga nized Atwood, lila W.: cited 'Teacher of the Y ear' Atwood, Millen D. : president Riverdale Stake Auckland Stake : reorganized Austin, Albert Char les; joined Church in Wales Australian Mission: Jasper Martell Bird, new president Sep. 5 P 7 Sep. 19 p 10 ·Mar. 14 p 13 Sop. 26 P 3 Feb. V p 10 Feb. 28 p 13 June 13 P 3, 5 B B.Y.U. 461h Ward; active in genealogy program Apr. 18 P 4 1st Stake: Mrs. Jessie Evans Smith adresses students at 10·stake fireside Nov. 7 P California Center: planning genealogical seminars C.E. F eb. 28 p 13 B.Y .U. Salt Lake Center: slates education week Aug. 1 P 13 Sep. 5 p 18 Education week is success BaCkman, Robert L.: called as Apr. 18 p 6 Regional Representative Badger, Howard C.: called to Sep. 26 p 5 YMMIA Genera l Board Bakersfield Stake: two Wasco Branch Nov. 7 P 13 girls in Rose Festival C.E. Mar. 14 p 13 Church team wins trophy Barry, Teresa: sludent elecled council president C.E . Oct. 24 P 13 Bailey, Anna, Fugal: Primary July 11 p 10 General Board Baird, Glen T .; preSident, CaChe Ocl. 24 p ' 6 East Stake Baker, George M .: President June 27 p 5 Pennsylvania Mission Baker, Terry R.: called by Army June 20 p 10 Chaplain BaH, Harold G.: four sons on miSSions June 20 P 13 Balloon: George Stokes is hot·air Oct. 17 P 4 specialist Ballou, Richard E .: direct CCH music M ay 9 p 13 Feb. 21 p 8-9 Band: Grant 12th Ward boys band Bankhead, Mary Smith ; Primary July 11 p 10 General Board . Baran, Simla: gospel guides coed May 23 p 12 Barlow, Haven J.: attends National Conference of Lieutenant Governors Ju ly 4 p 5 Barlow, Kathleen: represents Utah at Cherry Blossom Festival C.E. Apr. 2S p 13 Barner, E dward l.: ioins communications staff Sep. 19 P 13 Barnes, R. Raymond; new miSSion president May 9 p 6·7 Barry, Joanne: director will edit bulletin Nov. 14 p 13 Basketball: All-Church begins soon Feb. 28 p 10 Edgehill 2nd Ward wins All-Church M·Men Mar. 21 p 12 All-Church tourney builds manhood Mar. 14 P 8·9 Bastian, Larry W.: YMMIA General Board July 11 p 10 Balars, Irma Miralda; joins Church in Australia Sep. 5 P 14 Beaver Stake: reorgan ized May 2 p 10 Beceiro, J. W.: letter from Cuba Mar. 21 p 15 Beck , Russell Leon: hero award received by family Jan . 17 p 13 Beckham, Raymond E.: b e awarded at B.Y.U. Founder's Day Ocl. 17 P 10 Beck stead, Zan L .: heads realtors in California July 25 P 13 B eeb~, Frank H.; twice 'Man of Year' award C.E. Feb. 28 p 13 'Man of the Year' award Mar. 14 p 1, Beehive House; made a national historic site May 30 p 5 Beesley, Kenneth H .; named Associate Commissioner of Education for Church Colleges and Schools Oct. 10 P 7 Bell, J ames H. Jr. ; called to YMMIA genera l board Dec. 19 P 1:; Belnap, Parl ey L.: pens organist's manual SoP. 5 P 3 Begay, Carol : helps neighbor join Church C.E . Oct. 24 0 13 Benashlev, Fred: tribal leader Apr. 2S p 13 Bennett, Wiliam H.: named Assistant to the Twelve Apr. 11 p 3, 18 Resume of Life May 9 p 3 H elp supervise West European Missions May 16 P 3 Bennett, Wallace G.: new miSS ion president May 2 p 6-7 Benson, Ezra Taft: child ren present flag for cottage July 4 p 7 Benson, Sue; wins talent contest Dec. 19 p 13 Berg, Beatrice Romney : new Prima ry Board member Oct. 17 P 15 Bergman , Mr. and Mrs. Tom: made abandoned ward into home Aug. 15 p 8·9, 15 |
