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Show Peppermint Moria; keep up with them, but her best wasn't good enough. I didn't blame Andrea's grandma though. I couldn't keep up with her little monster brothers. And I was in fair physical condition. My legs were stiff and sore from the torturing ride but I hardly noticed them. They were nothing compared to the pain that filled my chest. Grandma Ruby helped me accept Russ' death. I guess I would never really feel whole again, but at least she helped me realize he had died and we couldn't get him back. I wanted it to be just a bad dream. I wanted to wake up and hold my little brother again. I wanted ma to smile again. Grandma knew how to listen and that's what she did. Occasionally she would nod or wipe a tear, but most of the time she just listened. I told her about how special Russ had been to me. I told her how empty our house was now. I even told her I should have stayed home the day he died. I should've let the boys ride without me. "No, Carly. I think Russ was proud of you for going." Grandma Ruby sounded so sure of herself. She hadn't been there the morning of the bike ride. I was so excited about the ride I hardly said "good morning" to Russ. I couldn't remember the last thing he said to me. I couldn't remember what shirt he had on or even what he was doing when I left. He might have needed my help on a math problem. He might have wanted some cheese for Cheddar. I felt guilty. It was even worse than the guilt Andrea must have had for her cat eating my chicks. It took her a long time to get over that. Russ was much more important than some fluffy animals. I would never get over Russ. "There was nothing you could have done if you'd stayed home." Grandma was reading my mind again. I had learned a long time ago not to waste time |