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Show My Thoughts Are Not Still 289 [She may have gotten this from Virginia Woolf.] Selfishness is death, spiritual death. So my studies and my experience have taught me without question. This truth is one of the elemental satisfactions the years have given me: this triumphant of the secret of happiness. knowledge This unstillness of my mind is the reason for my writing. My mind has always been restless, probing every mood, yearning for every experience, analyzing every circumstance. Contentment has never been my lot-only fleeting, darting, mounting satisfactions, quickly lost in the turmoil of living, the tyranny of the day, accompanied by my ever-present rebellion. [I have written this because] my mind feels free and soaring, so full of lilting thoughts that I know my pen 23 will never be able to record them all." Madelyn had expressed a similar feeling in September 1960 when she had sent off Brian to Harvard. She foresaw that event providing a dramatic resolution of her life. Her children no longer needing her immediate supervision, her husband busily engrossed in his inventions, corporations, and civic activities. She was now free to follow her own plan: "I'll make my own as life. "25 V Not long after that outburst, Madelyn was in Hawaii with Harold, and attended the Waikiki LDS Ward. In her diary she expressed a less rebellious, less restless attitude, an outlook that was almost certainly influenced by the New Testament reading she had done in preparation for her classes at Crestmoor Ward: I have gained a triumphant knowledge of the secret of hap The experience in Church yesterday filled me with a conviction of the possibilities for mankind. Both in Sunday School and in Sacrament meeting. I was aware that more than half of the congregation was non-Caucasian. Yet they were all worshipping, performing together with a common piness .... will, a common desire for progress, for spiritual attainment." |
