| OCR Text |
Show Idealism, Unrequited Love, and Glorious Understanding 95 They exchanged letters and dates. "For two months I have been happy and young and lilting again." But the old shadow of Caldwell came back. She to wrote. berate herself, blame herself for dropping him. She began really had loved Caldwell and some of this ardor must have remained. She and Harold drove almost to the top of Ensign Peak, a bleak but renowned hill on the north rim of Salt Lake City and then climbed to the top. Madelyn was quite ready to tell Harold she would marry him, she later recalled, hoping that passion she had longed for would come, soon or late. But Harold didn't give her a chance to speak. Seeing her moodiness, her uncertainty, he manifested neither anger nor impatience. He just took her in his arms and told her he would no longer ask her for a decision, that he would always be waiting and ready for her whenever she decided to come. Madelyn wrote: "I felt the first great peace I have known since my childhood. The certainty of your love began its cultivation of mine." Even now, she wrote later, "my memory aches with the sweetness of that moment 25 .... He is so sweet, so understanding, overwhelmingly kind. He is the most sympathetic, appreciative person. Madelyn agonized and for three She re-read all of Caldwell's letters, resur prayed days. "26 rected her memories of their joy at the ranch. Her hesitancy was interrupted by May Day. When she came home from school on that Tuesday, "the house was glorious with flowers, roses, and tall yellow double jonquils. Presented with this evidence of "Harold's love and youth and ecstasy," Madelyn told her diary that she was "praying and groping for truth and strength. "27 In her next diary entry, on May 22, she was delighted to acknowledge that "Harold and I have been very happy for three weeks. I am learning more and more what real happiness is, by loving him more and more each day. It is as if in him I have found myself and life and glory. "28 The first weekend of summer vacation Madelyn and Harold were at the ranch. That summer before Ruth's and Madelyn'S marriages, Papa Barnard took Madelyn and Ruth and their escorts, Harold and Junius, and three cousins, all in college, on a week-long horseback trip into the High Uinta Mountains. They |
