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Show Extracts from "Encyclopedia Utonica"Allow to impinge upon your gray matter the following representative definitions, not by any means the choicest, selected at randow from our new, violent, vindictive, and unexpurgated edition of the Encyclopedia Utonica. The whole work of 27 volumes has been revised and distorted by our putrescent pack of implacable and venomous experts, and is utterly the ultimate utterance.These are only a sample, a taste, a morsel, you will want more:Air-A gaseous substance very useful in aeroplaning-not unpleasant to the nostrils if inhaled with care.Banquet-(1) Class Banquet: a means of consoling and propitiating those members of a class not in the usual social whirl.College-Bred-A four year's loaf (much crust).Chronicle-(Chronic-ill) (1) A myxoma of our college life. (2) The job in which the editor must be either a sucker or an "ingrate".Dictionary-Intellectual pie shop of Phil C. Bing.Faculty-A unique collection of dry, dead things.Fussing-(1) (Military term)-'State of being in arms. (2) (Economics) Circumvention of wa(i)ste.Graft-Anything not shared by yourself.Interesting Class (of passing interest) A skirt crosses view from window.Janitors-Minions of Nordvall-an Overboard of Regents.Man-(1) A five-foot1 animal that thinks he has something to do with the universe. (2) The only living creature that will chew tobacco.3 a¦Myth-Ethics of a college representative of a down town "daily".Party-(1) Class party-50 cents.Popularity-(1)-Successful Bullish operation in the Sorority stock market. (2) Attribute seldom concurrent with, but prized above character or ability.Rest Room-Rest; remaining; Room: space No reference whatsoever to tranquility or repose.Student Activities-A vaguely inclusive and all embracing occupation, helpful in bringing one's name into general prominence, imparting to one an air of stuffy importance, and an invaluable excuse for mediocre class work.Student Rally-(1) A rush at the lunch counter. (2) Flagel yells, Hedger sings, and a student is seen in the distance waving a pennant.Shark-One who Jonah's a Prof.Telephone-Inquisitorial instrument for vivisection of the ear.Tennis-(1) Raising a raquet in fussing circles. (2) Net results of a college education-(love all.)Woman-(1) Blonde, (2) Brunette, (3) Suffragette, (4) High cost of livingUtonian-(Please go outside to curse.) Justification for manslaughter.Things We Are Paid to TellThat Lauren Gibbs was candidate for Chronicle.That the Pi's will make Beta in 1913.That this section was not premeditated murder.That the Theta's got one girl, bid by the Gammas.That Pinky Summers was not responsible for the Prom deficit.That Ott Romney is an ingrate, since it was a Theta who pulled him through French II.That the President's office is not in the rest room.Things We Are Paid Not to TellThat Dorothea calls Tub "Myra".That Ham was heard to say "Me and mine".Lila's and Ted's objection to the first Theta Picture.Lila's objection to suggested nightgown parade of Junior girls.Lila's exact weight. (Note,) Above three secrets haveidentical answersWhy the price was raised on Utonian pictures.Who wrote the "Greek Amusement Houses."What Armstrong looks like in a track suit.The name of Sevy's first wife.-eo7196 |
