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Show Coffee Drinkers Preferred Page 286 of 307 The waves grew into an unrelenting white froth and insane people in short sleeved wet suits raced with their boards into surf that looked like great gaping mouths crunching down and swallowing anything in their paths. I made my way to the sand and the ocean's roar overwhelmed me. I stood breathing in the wet, salty wind. The sky felt heavy and angry. My life loomed before me like one long mistake if I were never to see Sarah again. I would doubtless live a long line of lies without end. They would serve Meg up to me on a platter if I returned without Sarah. "Poor Nephi," they would say, "he had that one girlfriend in Reno. Oh well, it's good he and Meg get along so well. Things will work out." And then they would make things work out so that I was standing in front of them wearing white and wishing I was anywhere else. I didn't have to go back. I didn't have to go anywhere. My feet carried me forward to the frothing surf/ I think some small part of me wanted to feel the icy thrill of all that power, and another very small part of me wanted to feel overwhelmed by a power greater than me. Swallowed. Lifted. Those surfers didn't seem so crazy then. They were a part of something bigger than themselves. They seemed to actually have what the rest of us were looking for. Maybe I thought I could feel that if I just threw myself into it all. Maybe I thought that if I could just swim a little, I'd feel better. I knew some small part of me was aware |