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Show Coffee Drinkers Preferred Page 36 of 307 learned it? Oh, there is some lip service paid to the noble notion here and there but if the coffee in my kitchen was discovered by Kayla, for instance, I would be reported to my bishop and if I did not repent in some physical way, I would be punished, and if this did not work to rid my kitchen of Jessie's Organic, I could be excommunicated. The reason would never be because I drank coffee, but my reluctance to conform would undoubtedly bring to light certain other choices I was making and justifying with my clever ability to arrive at convenient definitions, and it would be one of these that would put me in front of a church court of love. That's when the hammer of excommunication would fall upon me and then all of the assets that my last name gives me would be irrevocably lost because my family would reject me completely and Allred does not mean, forgive me for swearing, shit anywhere else in the United States of America. Amen. So this is the tightrope I walked upon every time Kayla came around nosing into my business. You see, this was the primary reason for her coming over, unless she really loved watching the Tasmanian devils tear up my house. All she wanted to do was catch me at something. On Sundays I have watched her scanning my face during sacrament meeting. She is looking for a yawn or a roll of my eyes. She is looking for what poker players call a "tell." She |