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Show JOSHESTHE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS.Professor Marshall (voice wiggly and pathetic) - "If you should eee a dear, helpless little bird lying in the path before you, what would your first impulse be?"Stoddard (with equal emotion)-"To step on it."Dr. Pack (arranging seats in Geology Class)-"Mr. Anderson, you may sit in that row with Mr. Whit-more, Miss Riter, and Miss Tolhurst."Benny (excitedly)-"That's not fair, Doctor. Let the class draw for seats in the engagement row."A NEW CATHEDRAL.Holman (enthusiastically)-"Isn't there another name, Professor Coray, for Westminster Abbey?"Professor Coray (abstractly)-"Er-r-do you mean the one in London or the one here in Salt Lake -on West Second South, I believe?"WISE GUY.Dr. Pack (impressively)-"Yes, students, we can tell you to the pound just how1 much the earth weighs."Class is struck dumb with admiration for the Department's" wisdom.Dr. Pack (continuing)-"That's a fact. We've figured it out, just sixteen ounces."BEFORE THE MOON BECAME GREEN CHEESE.Horsfal (in Geology 5)-'In those days, Dr. Pack, vulcanicity was rampart on the moon."Professor Stewart (in Psychology)-'"Can we conceive of anything as being out of time and still occupying space?"Musical student (thoughtfully)-"Yes, sir; a poor singer in a chorus.""Come," said one Senior law to another, "let's go down and look at the court house.""Yes," returned the other, "let's view the ground where we shall shortly lie."Professor Mattill's dogs got larger and then smaller, when some one let them out and Cloward again took them in.The difference between a young baby and a night cap is that the one is born to wed, the other worn to bed.Time never works; it eats, and undermines, and rots, and rusts, and destroys. But it never works. It only gives us an opportunity to work.-Abbott.HEARD ON THE WAY TO THE TENNIS COURT.H. A. M.-"Well, its a long way from this world to the next."L. G. L.-"Yes, and that's just where you've got it over me; when you go you'll have it all down hill."Dr. Middleton (in nurses' class)-"Which is the most dangerous case in the hospital, Miss Young?"Miss Young (pointing to case of surgical instruments)-"That one."PROFESSOR BEN AND DOC. VAN SCRAP AFTER THE SHOW.Doc-"Do I look anything like you with this beard on, Ben?"Prof-"Well, I should hope not. Why, did someone take you for me?"Doc-"Yes."Prof-"Where is he? I must lick him?"Doc-'Oh, he's dead. I shot him on the spot."JUNIOR PROM.Two Couples-Pa Tyng and Pa Lowrey and their respective babies engaged in near music. The Time-3 A. M. The Place-Bedroom floor. The Girl-Well, Lowrey's was a boy.ON THE WAY TO NEPHI."Does their noise disturb you?" asked Miss Bab-cock as Ted, Lucy White, the Dowager, and Miss Goodwillie took seats next an old gentleman who was apparently studying. "No, ma'am," was the quick reply, "I've been married nigh on to forty years.""Whenever I marry," says masculine Ann,"I must really insist upon wedding a man!"But what if the man (for men are but human),Should be equally nice about wedding a woman?HOW TO MAKE A GENEOLOGICAL TREE."Colonel, how can I become acquainted with my family history?""Very easily, my dear sir, just run for mayor."AT THE LEGISLATURE.'Don't stand on ceremony. Come in, sir." "My goodness, excuse me, sir, I thort I war a standin' on the door mat.""You are weak," said a woman to her son who was remonstrating against her marrying again."Yes, mother," he replied, "so weak that I can't go a step-father."214 |