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Show The Student and the Bum A Poem Dealing Strictly With the Aesthetic And Written By Me There's a story told In college of a darling little scholar, pink of cheek and flushed with knowledge with a high eleven collar; full of texts and grinding always with a fine enlightened brow; taut alas that story's ancient for such fellers aren't now. Rather have me students of a more developed kind-long on mirth and maybe muscle-just as short and weak in mind. So we may complete the cycle for it is a cycle finished; where it started there it ended, unincreased anc undiminished. Bum thou art, to bum returnest, quoth the poet in his raving; and the poet had the goods despite the frailty of his paving. So in technique of the science let your contradiction come--for the stude is but the larva of the well developed bum. The Duties of a Fraternity Goat Monday-Appear at chapter house at 3.30 a. m. Tread with caution lest drivelling goat wake sleeping Apollo. Procure packet of instructions addressed to "scum," "smut" or "worm." Hie to city cemetery and read program before all who are behind the times. Read packet twice lest some who were deaf did not hear. Dash over to sorority house. Wake up the cook to borrow loaf of bread. Return to fraternity house. Leave the bread on piano with a respectful note to house manager, and begone. Return to chapter house to entertain at breakfast. Tubbed five minutes after breakfast and again at noon. Entertain at noon. Tubbed five minutes after lunch. On and off the campus no fussing, no cigarettes, no beer or other soft drinks, no intoxicating alcoholics, no candy, no' pie, no cake, no familiarity to anybody-no nothing. Shall address all fraternity men as "sir" and "mister," and upper classmen as "The Honorable Mister---------------->-." Appear at seven o'clock for rough treatment. Tuesday-Gradual increase of restrictions. Shall wash hands and face after each class, meet upper classmen and carry their books to next class. Shall appear at chapter house whenever possible to shine shoes, press trousers, or wash linen for upper classmen. Shall not assume tired or bored attitude-neither shall goat smile nor laugh. The rest same as Monday. AVednesday-The same as Monday and Tuesday, except for increase of servility. Shall assist upper classmen in his toilet, shall serve him at breakfast, provide amusement for him, satisfying his every whim. Two goats shall form basket to carry each officer to the institution. Shall keep heads bared in reverence the while. Thursday-Gradual increase of servility. Otherwise same as Wednesday. Shall begin to pay marked attention to fraternity lower classmen. Friday-Shall have neglected to shave since Monday. If a good beard is not grown, goat shall be tubbed and hot-handed after each class. Same as Thursday, with more attention to lower classmen. Shall be battered aDout at chapter house until twelve o'clock midnight. Shall eat the bread he borrowed Monday. Saturday-Shall keep upper classmen amused through the day. Shall strive unawfully - or goatfully -. to entertain lower classmen. Goathood terminates with initiation at night. There's a Little Bit of Good in Every Bad Little Boy. 283 |
