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Show ¦ Do You Want a Good Laugh? • **••• Read Our Prize A-l Epistle States United, Sept. the two. My Dear Cousin Hans: I now take my pen and ink in hand and write you mit a lead pencil, ve do not live where we used to live, ve live ver ve have moved. I hate to say it, but your dar old Aunt wot you loffed so vel iss dead. She dies of New Monia on New Year's Day in New Orleans 15 minutes in front of five. Some people think she died of population of the heart. The Doctors gave all hopes of saving- her when she died. Her breath leaked out. She leaves a family of two Boys and two Cows. They found $100, sewed up in her bustle. It was a lot of money to leave behind, she viled it all to the Boys, in case they died, the fortune goes to the Cows. Mrs. Offenbeck is very sick she iss just at deths door but the Doctor thinks he can pull her through. She has such a nice Boy, he is just like a human Beast. I took him to the hospital to see the sick people and ve had a lovely time. Your brother Gus took our dog Fido down to the saw mill yesterday to have a fight. He ran up against one of them big circular saws, and he only lasted one round. All the Goosbecks family have got the mumps, and they are having a .svell time. I am sending you back your overcoat by express, in order to save express charges I cut off the buttons. You'll find dem in the inside coat pocket. Mother is making sausage, and all the nebors are looking for der dogs. We sent We sent Hilda over to the butcher's to see if he had some pigs feet, she come back and said she didn't know, for de butcher had his shoes on. I shust graduated from college. I took up electroction and fisical torture, I learned to be a singygrapher too. I got a job in de livery stable as singyrapher raking down de hay for de horses. Louie Kratz vas sick de Doctor told him to take something, he went down de street and met Ike Cohen and took his vatch, they had him arrested and got a Lawyer the lawyer got the case but Louie got de works. Lena vent out to milk de cow, but de cow kicked her over and give her a milk punch. De flat vas cold last week. Father called the yanitor a lobster, and. he made it hot for him, He vas as cool as a Volcano. Ve have about twenty chickens and a pug dog, the chickens are laying ten eggs a day and de dog is laying behind de stove. Ve are having more wether up here this yer than last. Yust heard they performed an operation on Mrs. Offenbeck between the dining room and de Conservatory, but she died between eight o'clock. Dere is lots of people dying around here lately that never died before. Now I vish ve were close apart; Im awful lonesome since ve ver seperated together. Your brother Franz is getting along fine mit de small pox and hope this finds you the same. Hope you will write sooner as I did, I remain your Cousin, FRITZ SCHNIDERBACK. P. K.: If you dont get dis letter let me know and I vill write you another. Two times P. K., Have just received dat money I owe you but have closed up the letter and cant get it in. Over the Editor's Veto Jack's Opportunity 269 |