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Show Among the Owners of the "U" Are: am Van Pelt My name is "Hap" Van Pelt and I am sure the clever stuff. I am so important that they begged me to report for basketball and one night when I lost my suit and didn't play, the team was all shot to pieces. In fact, I have heard it said that I am the whole team and I agree with whoever said it. I created a lot of fuss in football season too, and the coach was sure sore at me for acting the way I did on Thanksgiving day. I should worry though, it isn't every fellow who is important enough to create the fuss and disturbance that I have. Wallace William R. Wallace, Jr., is my name and I hope everybody in school knows it. I was manager of the Freshman Dramatic Club and directed the famous push-ball team. Besides being an excellent fusser, I am a good student. I sure did slip one over on the Sophs, too, for when the hair-cutting bee was on, I went to the barber shop and had my hair cut. Of course the result was that I had a little pompadour while the other Freshies had bald heads. I hate to admit it, but I am the mainstay of the Freshie class. ill Kay "Bish" Kay is my appellation but that's no sign I am a preacher's son. Far be it from such! I am one of the cleverest guys in this school. Did'ju ever notice that the freshie^ didn't make me have my hair shaved off? I call that clever, of course it was only accomplished through my extraordinary physical strength and clever antics. I will be back next year and I will bear watching. "Prohibition All Right," Says Brownie Wilson By a special interview, the following enlightening information was given to a Utonian reporter: The "latest dope" for this town seems to be prohibition. Since this problem has come before this community and this nation, and knowing1 that my ideas would be of incul-culable value to humanity, I feel under deep obligation-because of my vast experience-to express my views on this vital matter. Before I enter into' a discussion of the subject, I desire it expressly understood that I favor prohibition, for there seems to be a question in some people's minds as to how I stand on this subject. I must admit that I have been a bit shaky at times-as to my position-but the way seems to lie somewhat more clearly before me now. Last night I was staunchly opposed to the proposition, but this morning-oh! this morning, I was fully convinced that prohibition was right. Nothing could turn me against it now. William J. Bryan, Josephus Daniels and myself have had a heart-to-heart talk about it and have agreed that after all, grape juice is a much more dignified beverage than Old Burgundy. (W. J. B. and I are pals, I guess that I am the only Wilson that ever agreed with Bryan, anyway.) If a man wants to commit suicide, there is no reason why he should drink himself to death; it's awfully expensive, and besides there are other and more expeditious means Drowning is not nearly so extravagant, and it doesn't violate the prohibition laws. At this interested juncture of the interview, Pelt came up. Brownie looked relieved. "I'm sure glad you came, Pelt, was having an awful dry talk. Let's have a drink." 271 |
