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Show Moon -139 He set down his drink, studied, casual, a man always in control. That, I realized suddenly, was what he cared about most-that he never be taken by surprise, never feel another's need. It didn't matter what was at stake-life or death, love or despair-he would not, could not, feel anything for another person. Seeing this, I saw a great fissure open at my feet, a slipped fault line suddenly revealing what had been underneath all along. Most terrible of all, you would never be able to escape this man who would withhold his love from you, even unto madness, even unto death. "Mom needs to know! She's been thinking all these years that she's crazy or that everyone thinks she is, and now finally it's something real." "M.S. isn't curable, you know." "But it's worse to think you're crazy. You must tell her." "I can't." He planted himself in front of me, his eyes swimming with self-pity. "I don't know what I'm going to do," he said. "For God's sake, tell her. Or I'll tell her." "Come here," he said and he held out his arms as if to dance with me. I twisted away from him. "I need you to love me," he said, his eyes awash with tears, and tried again to pull me into his grasp. I stifled a scream and ran into my room, once again locked the door against the man I used to call Daddy. Mother, how much of this did you know? How could you bear it? Esther arrived the next morning. She was wearing fuscia and her lipstick matched. We walked together around the lake, though it wouldn't have mattered where I was, for I could barely take in my surroundings. The sound of wind in the leaves, the brilliant colors of fall on the hillsides, the light on lake, all |
