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Show Moon - 246 person knows how to do. I won't find what I need in a woman any more than I could find it in a man. Our time in this world makes necessary a certain aloneness, which we try to escape. A little delight. Some comfort. A lot of tension and confusion to keep the everyday exchanges lively. Nothing more is expected. I feel as if I've shed all the clothes I've ever worn, and I'm down to my own skin, the only skin I'll ever be inside of. Lisa sits up beside me. I take her hand in mine and say, "Yes, I love you, but not that way." She weeps. I rub her shoulder awkwardly in inadequate comfort. Finally I say, "I need to get some sleep." In the morning Josh calls me, and I find I'm overjoyed to hear his voice. "You didn't," I say. He laughs, but it sounds a little shaky. "Oh, but I did. I think I'm a natural horseman. Windfall likes me. We never made it to the mountains, though. She tried to jump the river, which was crazy, and I fell off. I landed on a rock and broke my arm. I heard it crack and I had to make a sling out of my shirt, which was soaking wet from the river. Then I had to catch her and lead her all the way back. I tell you, it was something. I kept wanting to throw up. But I didn't let go of her, even though she was dancing around. I couldn't put her in the stall. She's happy, I think, just running in the field." I say, "Yes, I think she's happy." I make murmuring sympathetic noises. No point in lecturing him now. It's funny, but I'm proud of him. He sounds sort of like a pilgrim or a warrior come home. |