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Show Moon -166 her mind. She imagined herself opening drawers, closets, boxes in the attic, saying, "I'm looking for my mind." She tried to visualize the network of nerves inside her body like the railroad system, an arachnid tangle of tracks and signals. Little delays in transmission would come first-already had come- then major derailments which could not be predicted or prevented, until, well, eventually, the system would simply fail. The time for that, she suspected, was not far off. The book said it helped to have emotional support and an atmosphere of love and peace in the home. This made her laugh a little. Just how did one go about conjuring up such an atmosphere? What if she took this book to James, pointed to the words, said, "Hey, look. It's official. I need support. I need love and peace." Would he then tap the side of his head with his palm and say, "Ah! So that's it! Peace and love. Of course! Why didn't someone tell me much sooner?" Caleb had grown his hair long and moved into a racially-mixed group house in downtown Washington. He came over for dinner on Sundays and talked of nothing but peace, a peace that felt too global and remote to touch them. Lee, who also spoke incessantly of peace, understood, Anne saw, that James mistreated her. Lee was trapped, couldn't leave, partly because he had to finish high school, but clearly, he also thought he had to stay and protect her. She knew how he managed it, for she smelled traces of marijuana smoke in his room, saw the glazed expression in his eyes. His hair cascaded to his shoulders in perfect waves, like that popular portrait of Jesus. He was angry at his sister, she knew, for living in New York City and abandoning him to the task of caretaking Mother. And she knew that Joy did not feel free to tell her youngest brother the real reason why she could never live at home again. Anne wasn't |
