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Show Moon -137 I don't why I'm so tired. I can't afford to stay in this hotel much longer. The horns from the street make me jump, and my eyes are blurry from not being able to focus on things far away. All I want to do is sleep. New York holes up with me in my room, my head under a pillow to keep out the sounds of traffic. Coccoon love. Can't go anywhere. Like a selfish lover, New York says: stay with me, only me, tangle in the sheets and sleep until your head aches with too much dreaming. Not long after you and James and the boys came back from Manila I was summoned to the cottage. I came to you as one still tender-hurt from Mark and afraid of your anger at my failure to marry, but as soon as I laid eyes on you I forgot all that. You were shockingly thin and lurched when you walked, like someone on the heaving deck of a ship. Then you smiled like a young girl and held out your arms to me. Caleb and Lee wore white shirts and dark flannel pants. They looked like handsome preppie young men Td only just been introduced to. They pulled at their bangs, suffered brief hugs, hung back, didn't say much. James was gray around the temples, had put on weight. He was drinking steadily and seemed distracted, his blue eyes watery and far-away. After you and the boys had gone to bed, he said, "Joy, I have something to tell you." I sat down on the rocker across from him, my hands clutched in my lap, for they were trembling. |