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Show Moon -167 sure of the details, but the bare outline was clear: James liked to possess and control the females in his life. The worst thing about having a dread disease is that you're forced to find out where you stand with your loved ones. Too much comes out into the open too soon, and you can't escape. And daily she faced the truth. James disliked her, despite that sentimental black-nightgown love. It emerged in little ways that were a kind of violence. Coming out of church Anne paused, unsure, at the top of the steps. James shot her a look that was pure hatred, grabbed her arm and walked her down too fast, dropped her arm as soon as they reached the sidewalk. He forgot to buy her medication, refused to install handles beside the bathtub. He yelled at her for "lying around" all day, for leaving a dish unwashed, for not putting away the broom. He went out at night, sometimes didn't come home until morning. Anne understood that this might be caused by grief and fear, but she also understood that a person who loves tries to rise to the occasion. But then a woman at the M.S. Society told her that men frequently leave their stricken wives, so it was expected that she be grateful simply for the fact that he was still with her. Another aspect of "handling it" was to write letters. She wrote to Joy: "James doesn't love me. Sometimes I wonder why I was never loved, except maybe for a little while by David. I know that God loves me. But what's wrong with me that I can't know human love?" Finally, she wrote to Ruth. It took a long time to compose the letter, for it was a matter of saying what she wanted without exactly saying it: |