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Show Moon -183 drainer. "You'll have to leave tomorrow," she says. "Things aren't right here. Ruth will be impossible." She pauses at the foot of the stairs. "Do you mind calling a cab for the airport? I really ought to go to the office." Yes, I mind. But what can I say? This is my family. Whatever made me think they would have changed? Esther hurries up the stairs, away from me. It's chilly at the table. I check for drafts, then sit alone for a while. My period still hasn't come. Could I possibly be pregnant? I turn the idea over in my mind as something too remote to feel. Was this how my grandmother failed to respond to her coming babies? If I am like her, then there is good reason for me not to want to live. Perhaps it's out of our control and our stories repeat themselves in our DNA-corkscrews in the cells like worms in the soil, an entire understanding of the unborn future coiled and ready to emerge entire no matter what we do to try to change ourselves. In the morning, the two of them have made blueberry pancakes, and I decide to believe it's because they remember that was my favorite breakfast. For a while this confuses me, but soon I am caught up in the festive air of the meal. Ruth has brought out cloth napkins and serves the syrup in a tiny china pitcher. Esther jokes about little pitchers and big ears. She asks me about my life with Josh and Windfall. She loves it that our mountains are called the Three Sisters and says, "You should name them Alice, Anne, and Esther. But watch out. They're volcanic, aren't they?" Esther and Ruth tease each other about having forgotten to buy milk. I laugh easily and long. I feel bubbly and warm, and Esther decides she has time, after all, to drive me to the airport. |