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Show Moon -146 If you'd kept on selling railroad tickets, Mother, do you think Mr. Henry would have learned to leave you alone? In those days, men weren't forced to think about being fair with their power. I was luckier than you. Peter eventually stopped trying to get me into bed and took up a proprietary interest in my career. He taught me how to design layouts and mockups for client presentations. Sometimes he bought me lunch and told me I ought to think about leaving New York and getting a job as the teacher Td been trained to be. Peter became my friend. I told him about my time with Mark, and he said, "Good for you. You deserve a better man." Mother, this friendship was a milestone. If Td begun to hate, it would have never ended. There were so many men who felt they weren't right unless they made the big move whenever a mouse like me peeked out of her hole. But if I said Yes, Td immediately vaporize their dream and they'd see how deep they'd have to dive to find a treasure. Daddy was everywhere, keeping me alert. When I returned to work after you died, Peter hugged me and let me cry a little. He hugged me the way James should have. He cared about my future. Without this friendship, I don't know if Td have been ready for Josh. Soon after I met Josh I had a dream that told me my life might be changing for the better. In this dream I went back to the rooming house on Long Island where you and I waited for James to come home from the war. I went down into the basement the way we used to when we did the wash. The basement was where the worst of the rats had been-not in the walls, but running loose, darting from under the wringer like dark feelings. I went down the dark steps in my dream, needing to be brave. The cement floor was not as it had been, but was awash with yellow leaves and sunlight. I was afraid, for |