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Show Moon - 60 It wasn't enough. The red and gold dragon on the wall breathed fire into her daddy's eyes. He took her hand and squeezed it, too hard, choking off the flow of her words. His eyes were fierce and full of tears. He said, "You look just like your mother. You're going to be beautful." This seemed like an unimportant thing, the idea of being beautiful, but the girl in the picture smiled politely. She tried to withdraw her hand, but he gripped tighter and said in a voice heavy with sadness, "I wish you loved me." This worried her, but she felt sorry for him. She smiled in the way he liked and said, "I do love you, Daddy." James shook his head and looked both angry and sad. "No. You don't, not enough." Her mouth felt twisted and dry as if it no longer belonged to her, and the effort to smile became impossible. The light in the restaurant seemed to fade. She couldn't move, not even her eyes. The picture stands still for a while, frozen by silence and the sense of being tiny, as if she were receding from the world. Then James sighed and shrugged as if he didn't care, and called for the check. He'd bought tickets for Swan Lake, which she'd begged him for. But when next Saturday came, she wouldn't go. Nor would she go on any more "dates" after that, though she could not have explained why. The sadness in his face exhausted her. She'd couldn't be what he wanted; she did not love him enough. She wanted to tear at him, and crush herself against his tweed jacket, and say, "I'm sorry!" Mother, do you get this picture now? |
