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Show Moon - 35 I've begun to think I need someone who would take the journey with me behind the moon, someone old enough to know that suffering is necessary, that happiness is not sandwiches and coffee; it is knowing that we are trying to run ahead of ourselves from behind. Josh climbs down, kisses me, says he loves me. What if I were to tell him, right now, about James? But he doesn't like my moon-talk, and I'm afraid he can't love my dark side. He might back away from me with frightened eyes, saying, "I thought I married a good woman," and send me into an outer darkness worse than death. I'm afraid Josh isn't the one who can help me through this. I look at Josh unwrapping his sandwich like it's a birthday gift, as if he's a child, and I find myself dreaming of meeting a man with gray hair at the temples, a man who wears dark feelings like a hood. The vision of such a man pulls at me like the Three Sisters at three a.m. It makes no sense, but feels stronger even than a lake drawing me to the bottom; it feels like a hand that has reached up suddenly and grabbed something in me I didn't know was there. It's stronger, even, than being frightened by the blood and heat in my body. Josh tells me about his plan for this kitchen, how he will inlay strips of wood into an arc over the window. It will be beautiful. He doesn't know my secrets, and I'm afraid to tell him. I need someone who'll ride a great horse to me with uncommon courage and embrace me the way Sir Gawain embraced the hag and thereby restored her to what she really was-a beautiful princess. Am I afraid he wouldn't be brave enough? Is this because he's never sat a horse? Or because of the way he locks up Windfall and shies away from moon-talk? Is this why I dream of finding this other, this darker man? The stories of |