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Show All the Variables & Other Love Stories 10 He closed the newspaper and looked at me hard. There was a warm spot on my face where I could feel his psychic fists pounding. I hated when people asked questions they didn't want to know the answers to, started to say so, and thought better of it. He said, "So what do you plan on doing after graduation?" "We've talked about this already." "Right," he said, "the art thing. I meant, what are you going to do with your life?" I blinked at him and looked out the window. "I don't know. I guess I'll take it one day at a time. That's all you really can do." "Today then, hot shot." I wrinkled my forehead and thought hard, out the window, far away. But nothing came to me. I got up, rinsed my coffee cup in the sink, and started to leave. Dad said my name, and it stopped me cold because his voice was trembling. "Am I a bad father?" he asked. His fingers were displayed on the table before him, all ten, straight as matches. He wouldn't look up. "Sometimes I wonder if I haven't done the worst job for you boys. But I tried hard." "I know." "I want to tell you, Kyle, so you understand. I gave up every chance I had at happiness to give you boys a decent life. You make sacrifices thinking they have some meaning, that they serve a good purpose. So I worked for twenty years at a job I hated every day of to give you and your brother a chance at a decent future, and now I have to watch you both throw it away." |
